Headshots of the Undermountain Kobolds by Moira
|Gender||Male and Female|
"Yeah!" he chirps. His attitude and tone are awfully upbeat, considering he’s trying to mug you. "Anything you got that’s made of metal. Our queen likes shiny things. Well, so do we, but it’s not for us."
The Undermountain Kobolds are a group of Kobolds who travel the Undermountain, searching for metal to give to the Kobold Queen. While other kobolds mine in the caves for metal, these enterprising individuals have taken the approach of robbing travellers, taking the metal by force if need be. They endeavour to do the same thing to you, though if you have Lyric in your inventory they'll help show the kobolds another way to solicit metal from outsiders.
They don’t let their fumbled attempt at a sneak attack go to waste, though, and are both back on their feet, facing you with a steely determination – which, you’re sure, would be significantly more threatening if they each weren’t maybe three-foot-six. They’re each equipped with two knives, one in each hand – not that they’d need them, with how sharp their claws are.
Their clothing hangs off their bodies in tatters, their shirts barely clinging to their shoulders and their pants held up by a line of chain. Although they both appear fairly healthy, so it may not be a symbol of their status – even for a cold-blooded creature, it’s hot as could be in the Undermountain, and dressing lightly would be the safer decision than loading up on clothing.
One of the kobolds appears male, judging from his musculature, and thanks to the shabby state of his pants, you can see his junk, but you can’t gauge what he’s packing from both your distance and his flaccid state. His scales are orange; his eyes are red; and he has a number of smaller nubs and spikes all around his jawline and eyes.
The other kobold is plainly female, based on her pert, C-cup breasts, each of them capped with a dark blue nipple. Her body is covered in blue spikes; she has blue eyes, complimenting her scales well; and although she lacks the spikes surrounding her face as her colleague, she instead has a pair of thick, curved horns that arch above her skull.
You pause as you're travelling through the Undermountain, stopping just short of a bend in the cave and narrowly thwarting a sneak attack from a couple of kobolds. Undeterred, they demand metal from you. Two more kobolds approach from behind, surrounding you. If you have Lyric with you, they intervene here, see Meeting Lyric for more details. Otherwise, combat is joined.
If you're victorious, the kobolds are terrified that you're going to kill or eat them. You reassure the little bandits that you're not going to do that, but you can choose from the Sex menu if you choose. If you're defeated, the kobolds rummage through your possessions and seize some of your electrum. As recompense, they 'offer' to have sex with you.
Subsequent encounters with the Undermountain Kobolds largely the same, with the kobolds commenting on how last time went. After you've defeated the kobolds at least three times, or met them with Lyric in your group, you get an invite to meet the Kobold Queen after you're finished with her subjects.
"Yes, of course!" one of the female kobolds answers with a light-hearted chirp. "What else would we be doing with all our free time? Asking for it from strangers is still much easier, and way more rewarding, than digging for it, especially now."
"Which, um," the second male interjects, "brings us to why we’re here." You suddenly feel a hand at your waist, tugging not for your electrum pouch, but for the waistband of your [pc.lowerGarments]. "We don’t suppose you’re in need of some servicing, are you, [pc.name]?"
If you have Lyric in your inventory during a kobold encounter, your sentient projectile will make their presence known before combat starts. Lyric catches up with the other kobolds, confirming that yes, they are the green kobold who was exiled for eating from the Kobold Queen's hoard. Insisting that banditry is wrong, Lyric suggests a morally righteous way of bartering money from outsiders like you — good, honest, sex work. Gullible surfacers who don't realise how tasty metal is will often exchange it for sexual favours. The kobolds are very excited to learn this, and immediately start proposing sexual acts than can perform for a very reasonable price. See Sex for more details.
- Accept: Pay the kobolds 200 EC in exchange for an orgy of your choosing. (requires 200 EC)
From then on, encounters with the kobolds will be non-hostile, as the kobolds turn away from violence and instead have sex with travellers for metal. If Lyric is with you, they will agree to 200 EC for an orgy, although if Lyric's back in Hawkethorne their price is 400 EC. Even if you Decline, the kobolds will not press matters.
||stealable - [+]
Total Gain Per Encounter
Victory sex and non-hostile sex use the same menu. If the kobolds are non-hostile and you have Lyric with you, sex costs 200 EC. If the kobolds are non-hostile but you do not have Lyric with you, sex costs 400 EC.
- Fuck Them: If they’re going to offer their services like that so wantonly, it’d only be right to take advantage of it as long and hard as you can! You can choose which kobolds will be involved. (Lyric is involved if present)
- Get Serviced: Those mouths of theirs could be put to better use, surely. You can choose which kobolds will be involved. (Lyric is involved if present)
- Get Fucked: Sometimes, you just want to get on your back and get into an orgy with four kobolds that are less than four feet tall each, you know? This will involve all four kobolds. (Lyric is involved if present)
- Get DP'd: The kobolds are all rather short – you bet you could take both of the males at once. And you have a face for the females to be entertained with in the meantime. This will involve all four kobolds. (requires vagina, Lyric is involved if present)
If you are defeated, the kobolds take 400 EC from you. If you have have a vagina, Get DP'd triggers, or otherwise Get Fucked.